My Red Sea

For 23 years I battled with both moderate depression which was persistently present at all times to bouts of severe depression that could last several months. I took medication off and on for 15 years and sought therapy on 4 separate occasions, the last time being, when I first moved back to my hometown 3 years ago.

The Lord brought me out of my Egypt 13 years ago, he also miraculously parted the waters for me, but I couldn’t cross over my Red Sea. As I began to cross the vast expanse I took my eyes off of Jesus, looking back at the world I wasn’t ready to leave behind. The Sea closed in around me. Drowning in my anger, my bitterness consumed me-self pity abounded. My hurts and my pains were like the sea itself-vast and deep, no land in sight. I couldn’t see anything else.

Words simply cannot convey the intensity of the dark emotions that accompany this debilitating affliction. I wanted to die, I asked God on many occasions to take me home, I begged him, I pleaded with him, even negotiated with him. I was TIRED, unbelievably, tired.

My thoughts were a myriad of memories and dialogs that disrupted my entire life; disturbing my sleep and interfering in my relationships. Four years ago when I got my life insurance policies I had carefully reviewed the suicide clause. The devil had convinced me that my children would be better off without me as long as I left them financially secure. The fight in me didn’t want to die, but the depression was winning, I was losing this battle.

Circumstances brought me back home a place I vowed I would never return. As I wandered from room to room in my house, thinking life couldn’t get any worse, now that I had ended up back in my hometown of hell. The phrase “Seek ye first The Kingdom of God” began to come at me from the radio, the television and Sunday services. Honestly I began to get slightly annoyed because I was hearing it everywhere; I promise you, I think I actually saw the writing of those words on the wall, literally. I began my quest to find out what it meant exactly, and in my search, I was led to DBI (Destiny Bible Institute) a 2 year intensive 3 hours a week bible course offered by my church. God began to show me among other things 2 very important steps for recovery; how to worship him and how to praise him through the storms.

Listening to instruction from my pastor I began to read my bible, to thank God often, and I even set aside time everyday to pray. Healing began, slowly at first, I knew I was changing, but I was still afraid to believe it.

I was led to the Epistles, which I now call my “get out of depression” scriptures. I began to renew my mind. Remember the myriad of memories and dialogues that controlled my life? Well I began to take control of them by speaking the word of God to them. I wrote scripture on index cards and kept them with me. Repeating them often at my demons, my depression, my wrong thoughts, I began to confess healing over my depression and I stopped asking God to take my life instead, thanking him for my life.

The combination of heartfelt worship even at my lowest points, on my knees crying, giving thanks and praising God even when I felt like dying, prayer when I didn’t feel like praying, reading his word the bible and most importantly speaking his word out loud are what delivered me from my Red Sea.

My first year here, I was lost and broken, my second year broken but faking it, this, my third year I am walking in victory. The Red Sea parted and God carried me safely to the other side.

Three days ago God told me I was no longer broken! I am not quite sure how to do "not broke" but I am definitely ready to give it a try.
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Creflo Dollar Wrote:
"You can become a diligent custodian over your words by focusing your mind on those things that are just, pure, lovely and of good report (Philippians 4:8). As you fill yourself with the Word by continually reading, meditating on and speaking scriptures that relate to your specific situation, you design a wonderful blueprint for your life!"